I want to first start by apologizing to anyone who read my blog last night. I was in a pretty dark place and tend to go there. I need to learn to harness that stuff, turn it around and find the light. But in the middle of the darkness, it’s hard to see where you’re going. I always want to portray my true self in this forum. If someone can relate to my dark, then maybe it’s ok.
Today is better. I knew today was going to be better as I hit highway 34 on my way west to Lincoln. As I got on the road, the sun was slowly peaking and once the first hint of sunlight hit the purple sky, a feeling of warmth came over me. It is a new day. A day to put the dark behind, to make the day the best I can not only for me but for my family. Last night, I was sitting at the computer, pouting and drinking. Jack came right up to me and put his arms around me, slowly rubbing my back. I think that’s when my dark got a little less dark. He told his mom last night “I think daddy is really sad, but he loves me.”
That’s maybe what’s most important to me as a dad. I know I’m going to screw up. I’m going to fail my sons. But when they see me in my dark place, they know I still love them. I want them to know that I’ll always love them, no matter the current condition of my weak heart. My boys make me happy, when my skies are gray.
Today is a new day. It’s bright, beautiful, and a chance to live like gramps.