….and now we are four

i can’t believe that today is finally here.  the day that our family jumps from three to four.  there are so many emotions that are burning thru my skull right now and i can’t wait for him to finally get here.  I remember with jack, holding him for the first time-there were so many unknowns and i feel like i let the uncertainty take over my heart and didn’t allow me to fully embrace the moment.   now i know what to expect, i know what will happen and now that jack’s little brother is a mere 3.5 hours away from gracing us with his presence, i won’t make the mistake of letting the uncertainty keep me from enjoying the moment and loving both of my sons with every single inch of my heart.

as i’m sitting here in this dark room, my mom, phil, & sister sleeping 15 feet from me, drinking coffee and enjoying a few last minutes of the maestas party of 3, i’m a bit of an emotional mess.  my heart is so anxious to be able to love on miles but at the same time, a part of me feels like i’m cheating on jack.  i know that is not the case but i’m so in love with that little boy and now that love will be shared and i feel a bit guilty.

i know that’s not the case and i pray everyday that jack feels loved more when miles comes than he ever did before.  i can’t wait to take him to the mall to ride the ponies and get frozen yogurt with him. i can’t wait to get a big sloppy wet kiss when i come back home for the first time. i can’t wait to hear him say “car car car car car” over again when he’s playing with his favorite Lightning McQueen.  I can’t wait for him to see miles for the first time, how curious he will be.  one thing i know for sure is that miles will feel so much love from jack.  jack is maybe the most affectionate little boy i have ever known, so willing to hug & kiss and it melts my heart. he will be a fantastic big brother and for that, i’m proud.

i’m proud that i will have the opportunity to raise two boys and show them how to be men. how to play, how to be responsible, how to work hard but play hard, how to love a woman the right way, and show them the way to the Father.

it’s about time to pack the car and leave this place, Maestas party of 3 and come back a more complete family than we left.

this day will share with Nov 26th, 2008 as the best day of my life. my little buddy miles-you and your big brother make me a better man.  i can’t wait to meet you!


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