A dad’s softening heart…

This will be a first for me.  I’m blogging with my mother,  my dad and my sister babbling non stop about only God himself knows…so this will be interesting.  If you thought my posts were all over the place before, wait until you read this one! In fact, I just heard this conversation  Sister to mom: “You need to brush your teeth-your breath stinks” Dad to sister: “you need to brush your ass because your ass stinks.”  the joys of being home….

I’m too hard on my son a lot of the time.  My son can have a very angry streak in him….he gets mad if he doesn’t get his way, he screams, he yells, he hits.  We go through many time outs, I’ve tried being calm, I’ve tried being stern, I’ve tried ignoring and I’ve tried killing him with love.  None of it seems to work.  Eventually he calms down or it’s time for bed. But I’m always wondering “why can’t he be more calm? why can’t he just give me a break sometimes!”

It’s hard after the fact. I feel very guilty about having those feelings…I try to justify it to myself thinking that other dads go through the same feelings…but I wonder sometimes.  I sometimes feel like we’re living out the screenplay “Marley & Me” except with humans.

Don’t get me wrong-most of the time, we have an absolute blast together.  We play, we wrestle, we snuggle and we tickle. Lately when I’ve been coming home, the first thing I hear is YAY DADDY!!! That absolutely melts my heart in ways I never thought possible.  Being  a dad is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me.  It’s the best story I could tell…it’s my happily ever after. But there are times when I get stern with Jack and I wonder if it’s ok that I do this.  (I’m not writing these things to have people praise me–this totally isn’t about that…just wanting to be honest.) I always feel bad after Jack and I have to have a little talk.

After tonight…I think a lot of things are going to change when it comes to Jack.  Myself, Jenny and two of our best friends in town are embarking on an adventure that I’ve been waiting a really long time for. We are leaving in less than 8 hours for Rocky Mountain National Park.  We are camping for two nights, we are going on a 13 mile loop hike hitting Flattop Mountain, Hallet Peak, Otis Peak and to cap it off….we are going to slide down Andrews Glacier!!  If we are able to pull it off, it’s going to be the coolest story I’ve lived up to this point.

But tonight, I was reminded that even when I’ve been planning on living MY story, my story will always play second fiddle to my family’s story.  I received a call from Jenny at 1:30 saying that Jack out of nowhere had a temp of 102.7.  He was super hot, cranky, and seemed miserable.  I thought it was just teething and didn’t worry much about it until I got home and saw him.  He was looking a fright!  I felt so bad for my boy…he was sweating, his eyes were glossed over, and mommy’s shoulder was the only place to be. My heart broke for him. I, in that moment, was willing to give up everything to take his illness from him. I would sacrifice my trip, my dream vacation, to ensure that he would no longer be sick. As we got in the car, we thought he was going to be ok…we didn’t make it to 14th and Cornhusker before he puked in his car seat.

This story I’m telling…this story I’m living….this isn’t my story. While I may benefit from living a better story, my Best Selling Novel is the story of my children. They are a reminder to me why I do the things I do…why I want to finish school…why I work two jobs…why I volunteer….why I seek adventure. Because I want their story to be much better than mine!

What story/adventures would you sacrifice for your loved ones?

** Jack Update** After puking and drinking a ton of gatorade-he is feeling much better…he didn’t sleep much but enjoyed watching Cars in the car for the 27th time this week.  His temp went down to 99 and his personality started to come back…this makes leaving him much easier!!***

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