while jack is at his grandparent’s house in cozad, i’m trying my best to take full advantage and enjoy some adult time with jenny before our lives go back to diaper changes, cheerios, and cartoons. right now it’s tough because i miss him a lot, but even now, while blogging…i can’t move past his unconditional love for us and i need to stop and enjoy this time!
my heart lately has been all over the place. even now, i have typed, deleted, and retyped a minimum of 3 times. my soul just seems to be bouncing around from emotion to emotion and i can’t sit still. my journey to live a better story has been succeeding pretty well 3 months into it. i’m down 12 pounds, i went through the teammates mentoring training last week, i have been writing more, listening to more music, and i think i’ve been a better husband/father than before i began this quest. there are two things i have fallen back on in my list 1)soda…i’ve had a few 2)reading the bible in a year….haven’t picked up my old friend in a good 2 months.
yet something still seems to be missing. even when i was reading the bible-i wasn’t getting much out of it. now while the stories were really thought provoking and in some instances-quite awesome (i learned not to eat from a tree with a cool name and if i ever sense the human race is in trouble-build a boat.) since becoming a parent-the one thing that i have missed is a sense of community. i miss not having people to bounce thoughts, ideas, and dreams off of. while me and my wife do that quite a bit…i think she gets annoyed with my constant need to discuss far fetched dreams.
today-jenny and i were sitting next to each other-and we just broke into prayer. it felt good to hear her reaching out to the Lord out loud. i think it’s been a while for both of us, and while we try our best to get back into it….we are going to need something to break us out of our God funk. we need community…we need people to keep us held accountable. if we can’t make our way back to the Lord-we are in a world of hurt. while all of the puzzle pieces for a great family life are there and they may be fitting nicely-if we don’t have the glue to keep the pieces together-we are prone to fall apart with one major shakeup.
i’ve been listening to a lot of christian music lately-while i understand that i just can’t simply supplement the warm mushy feeling i get when listening to music with the community of a church-it’s been a great way to spend time with God during the day.
sunday morning jenny and i are going to go check out grace chapel again. it’s been a couple of years since we went so i’m excited to check it out again and try to find a home.
it’s going to take more than typing about my dreams about finding God in this blog…and more than talking to jenny about my dreams of leading our family into sweet divine living….it’s going to take an inciting incident. if anyone has any suggestions on how we can be lead down that path-i’d greatly appreciate the suggestions.
the following lyrics are to a song that I pull up when I feel like my grasp with God is slipping.
Waterdeep-I will not forget you
Many men will drink the rain
And turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear You speak
But they will never turn around
I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You
(vs2) Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines
Many men will read your words
But they will never change their minds