it’s funny really when you think about it. i look back to where i have been over the years. yet i always end up in the same position. there have been so many things that i would have thought would fill my heart-make me feel like i am living a happy and full life….yet i always end up short. let me share.
1) i broke bread with baseball royalty
2)i lived the typical male college life (sleeping in, random girls, getting drunk, doing whatever/whenever i wanted)
3)now the thing that has made me happiest in my life-being married to the most beautiful woman in the world and having her give birth to the most amazing little boy i have ever met.
one would think that having experienced those things my heart would be overflowing with all the happiness and content i would ever need. yet i still feel empty. i feel like there is something i have been missing. after each and every one of those previous events happened i felt like i hadn’t quite achieved the ultimate goal of filling my heart. before i sound like i am an ungrateful piece of trash-let me explain. i have gone back to Jesus more times than Ross went back to Rachel and when I do-that’s when I feel totally complete. I don’t deserve my wife and i don’t deserve my little boy. they have given me the best life-more than i could have ever dream of. but to say that I am the best father I could be and the best husband i could be now would not be doing them justice-i would be short selling them big time.
I am on another pursuit-another adventure. one that started 3 short weeks ago. there was a moment that I shared with Jesus that I will keep between me and my Maker but all I have to say is that for the very first time in my life….I felt Him. I had never actually physically felt his arms around me but on that stormy day, i did. It was the best feeling I have ever experienced. at that moment in time-i had everything I ever needed and at that point-felt 100% complete. I went home and kissed my wife and held my boy and to me, I was in Heaven. I hope that’s what it’s like, Heaven……maybe being able to play catch with Ted Williams would be ok too.
the point of all of this is….I know it’s He’s there. I know that He’s always been there. How could I ever let that go. Now that I have the perfect combination…My God, my wife, and my son-I will continue on my pursuit and never let it go knowing that if I felt Heaven that day-it must be amazing if it can top that feeling!
Derek Webb-Wedding Dress
if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i’ll ever need
or is there more i’m looking for
and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want
i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i’m a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you
so could you love this bastard child
though i don’t trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
because money cannot buy
a husband’s jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife