Barring acts of God I’ll be the father that I always wished I’d been allowed to see.

finally sitting in our new place-still not quite settled but finding that our new home is quite cozy.  granted it’s not nearly as big as our other house…but it has character, it’s quiet and best of all….it’s ours.

it’s no secret that i’ve had some issues with my faith lately.  today i stumbled across some nooma videos done by rob bell and i had only seen one previously and I remember it made me turn into a big ole crybaby.  so as i’m unpacking these dvd’s, i pop it in not really knowing what to expect.  the title was rain.  Rob talks about going for a walk through the forest with his young son strapped on his back.  Suddenly it begins to rain, lightning and thunder follow.  he doesn’t realize that his son had pulled his hood off so the rain is pounding down on him with no protection.  he is crying hard and is obviously scared.  and as Rob begins home, he takes him off of his back and holds him tight and all he says is “i love you buddy, it’s going to be ok…i know the way home.”

I have not had that kind of moment with my son yet.  But i already have the feeling that no matter what, I will protect my son with everything I have….and I will do everything i can to make sure that he is ok.  Sometimes I need to stop and remember that Jesus is saying the same thing to me….all I need to do is cry out.  when I feel like it’s raining in my life-I just need to cry out to Him and listen to him tell me “i love you buddy, it’s going to be ok…I know the way home.”


Waterdeep-Close The Door

Every time that I get down
I am like a salmon on
An upstream journey, then
Death to follow once I spawn
I have seen the big fish climb
The ladder at the reservoir
Watch ‘em work like devils
Half delirious do they even know where they are?

Jesus I’m a sucker; I
Wish I believed less of the lies
Did anything I thought I knew
Turn out to be true?
Baby boys and little toys are all that I see anymore
Will somebody close the door?
It’s cold outside
Every single time I thought that
I had figured it all out
I was run aground again and
Floundering with crazy doubt
Maybe every way I’d learned
To deal with the tragedy
Was just another junkyard find
Rust-eaten and raggedy
I have paced the floor at night
Staring in his tiny face

Swearing that I’ll do my best
To make for him a solid place
Barring acts of God or even
Acts of other men, I’ll be
The father that I always wished
I had been allowed to see


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