Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we’ve once loved…

Over the past few months since becoming a father-i have been doing a bit of inventory work in my life, some spring cleaning if you will.  I’ve made a vow to run the lincoln half marathon next year.  I’ve begun my quest to lose weight-already down about 15-20 lbs (although had a few set backs along the way.)  We’re moving into our own apartment where we won’t feel like members on the showcase showdown on the price is right-constantly having people evaluate the house we’re currently living in.  I’m also looking at some of the friendships i’ve had along the years and wondering where we’re currently at with those.

my friend dave and i have had this conversation many times about people who add others on facebook/myspace when there is no relationship there other than being connected with them through high school/work/church.  I’ve been cleaning up some people on there-so if you’re no longer my friend on this site-it’s not because i don’t like you-but simply because there is no relationship there at all whatsoever.

when looking at friendships outside of the social networking sites-aka people whom i used to hang with-i see relationships there but can’t think of the last time we spoke or hung out.  there are two examples i can think of in which these people i thought were very close to me.  I have to realize that once your’e in the real world-things change-priorities change.  having a child definitely changes those priorities.  But these are people whom i used to break bread with daily-they have not even met my son.  Now being out of town/state i understand it’s not conceivable to always be able to hang whenever you’re in town.  but there have been many times in which this person was in town but never called, facedbooked….nothing.   the second instance the person actually lived within blocks of the hospital where my son was born but did not come and see us-but to make matters worse-i told this person that the first time they meet my son better not be when this boy she liked stayed with me (half joking-but half serious).  i never received a call………until i picked my friend up from the airport…. then suddenly she wanted to meet my son.

it’s examples like this that make me wonder-was this a friendship or just simply a matter of convenience.  i understand that there will almost always be conditions when it comes to relationships but i would like to have the comfort knowing that my friends would be there for me as i would be there for them.  when i don’t receive phone calls or only receive them when it’s convenient for them when they have a separate agenda, that makes me wonder about the relationship.

Do we continue to keep the label of “friend” even when the relationship doesn’t exist,  when we have nothing in common with the people we once knew as friend?  what is the purpose of continuing to hang out to something when there is nothing there?  why hang onto the label.  at this point in my life-i can not spend the extra time or energy trying to put behind disappointment when a “friend” doesn’t care to meet my son.  i just don’t have anything more to give to these people.  again-i can’t be unrealistic and say that people don’t have things going on in their lives-but there have been multiple opportunities missed and i can’t do it anymore.  if the most important thing in my life (my son) isn’t something you don’t have the desire to even meet-then i can no longer think of these people as “friend.”  if it seems i am being selfish or quick to throw relationships away-i can assure you that’s not the case,  this has torn me apart over the past few months but like i said-i just can’t do it anymore.

i say this with the highest of importance-there is no anger there-no ill feelings-but there is just empty space where your friendship used to be.  i will always remember the good times….and maybe someday when we’re all older and in the same place in our lives things can change.  but for now i end by saying,  until then……………

my jack

rise against-audience of one

I can still remember
The words and what they meant
As we etched them with our fingers
In years of wet cement
The days blurred into each other
Though everything seemed clear
We cruised along at half speed
But then we shifted gears

We ran like vampires from a thousand burning sons
But even then we should have stayed
But we ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

Identities assume us
As nine and five add up
Synchronizing watches
To the seconds that we lost
I looked up and saw you
I know that you saw me
We froze but for a moment
In empathy

I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug
You gave my emptiness away

But you ranaway
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

We ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from ?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone ?

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One thought on “Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we’ve once loved…

  1. Replying to a blog is never anything I ever do, but wow. I can completely relate to this. I’m not angry either with them, just disappointed. You really put things in perspective for me. Strangely, it’s kind of nice to know that there is someone, somewhere feeling this void as well and that it is just not me imagining things. Thanks… 🙂 hope things work out, for the both of us.

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